I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
