put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
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