some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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