I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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