he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
