we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Randomize
