What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
