hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
