it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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