walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
