DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
