how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
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