This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
