The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
