The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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