and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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