He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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