all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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