Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
