I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I don't deserve a penis
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
