too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
