Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
