Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
