non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
