I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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