I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
