you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
