im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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