You just made me feel so damn special
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
