ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
