i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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