Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Randomize
