the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I made him laugh his dick is mine
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
