PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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