My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
