I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Randomize
