So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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