oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
