I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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