hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
