jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
how does that bad decision feel?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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