that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
