i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
