My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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