I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I cannot find my penis.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
