I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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