And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
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