too bad you live with your parents still
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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