If i come over, it means nothing
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
