did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
